I wrote this about after my marriage broke down.
I don’t know what to do
My heart feels full of lead
it’s dragging me into the river
It’s black, dark and hot
What do I do?
“Take up the spear
aim it true
aim it fast
into your old wounds that have grown toxic over time.
Pierce them with the spear
this spear carries only love within its tip
Let it hit the wounds
allow them to open and seep.
Cry your tears of pain and grief
Let the tears cleanse you
of the old waste that you no longer need to carry.
Move into the light
let it envelope and cradle you in gentle arms of unconditional love.”
I have reached my destination,
the destination I have long dreamed of.
But it has left me feeling so tired and sore
I have carried much with me to this point
I know I can no longer carry it forward.
I sit in the warmth of the evening summer breeze
and cry and feel,
then cry some more.
I have a need to build a memorial to my past,
an acknowledgement of all that I am
and all I have endured.
I move out gently onto the earth, the mother
to gather stones.
I need twelve stones.
Each stone represents one year I spent with this man.
I must weave a basket to carry my stones from the river.
The basket is light at first
but as I gather the stones
it becomes heavier and heavier
much like my journey with this man.
I gather my twelve stones,
I’m pleased with my choices.
I carry my basket back to my home.
My home, my first ever sacred space I can truly call my own.
I love it here,
there is only love here,
love and peace.
I choose a place in my garden
that will nurture my stones, my past!
I take each stone out in turn and smudge each one with my sage and cedar bundle.
It feels good.
It feels right within me.
I repeat this ritual with each stone.
I then create a beautiful spiral with my stones
a koru of growth.
Knowing that this journey was an important one,
one I created with this man,
one we created together,
and one that was honored beyond measure right to completion.
I release you from playing this role for me
Go in Peace!