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So I saw this reading over at pinterest and have had it saved for awhile. I have a huge amount of different tarot spreads saved over there for every occasion. Check out The Cats Paw Here

But over the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling pretty tired and not quite as bubbly as usual. There have been some personal issues I’ve been addressing, but wanted to go a bit deeper and delve into some healing about it, so using the Native Spirit oracle cards by Denise Linn I dove into the abyss.

And here is what I found.

  1. What am I holding onto? Prayer Feather:Love is flowing to me and through me. No matter what an individual is saying or doing, love him/her anyway. The card goes on to say that it is easy to love someone when they are being sweet and loving, but to love them when they are not..that is the challenge. This makes so much sense to me, and it’s not that I have stopped loving, its that I felt the love from them has stopped flowing to me. And maybe it has, maybe it hasn’t, but the lesson is to love regardless, and not get caught in the negative spiralling (in my head) about how others might see me. *gives  miss paranoia a comfy cushion to my left*
  2. What can I do to let it go? Wounded Healer: Healing energy, vitality, and life-force energy are flowing through me and to me. This card talks about me being a healer, a wounded healer. I have always associated myself with this term. But it also mentions that whatever needs healing is being resolved. This is a good reminder, because I so often get caught and tangled with the contents of my head, so I can lovingly release the contents of my head into a beautiful glass bowl of sacred rose water and know that healing is taking place.
  3. How can I take control again? Sacred Mountain: Be still, and take the time to move into the silent place within myself. This card speaks of personal power and meditation. This was a joy to read, for whilst I’ve been stuck in my head listening to every word miss paranoia has been whispering to me, I forget this simple and wonderful truth. Breathe deep and sink into your sacred heart space, breathe in peace, gentleness and love. Ahhhhh the effects are instant and long lasting, sleep was much easier!
  4. What do I need to do to move forward? Ancient Forest: Your roots go deep. Incredible, radiant, healing strength is available to me and grows within me. This card is a reminder not to doubt my abilities, a card to remind me to stand tall in my power, my spiritual strength, anchor my roots deep into the earth like a tree in an ancient forest. Perfect!
  5. How can I use this to help me? Peace Pipe: This card speaks of healing old wounds with people and situations. Forgiveness. Forgiveness. Forgiveness.

There are times to drop everything and leave; there are also times to carefully mend bridges with people, situations and places.  I guess I still need to do some work here. I feel like I have lived a life where I had no choice but to constantly stay in shitty toxic situations where I felt undermined, undervalued and unloved. My frustrations at not being heard or ever validated were seen by others to being played out as angry,defensive, bitchy, and totally nuts! And I know I was all of those things, but I felt trapped and cornered and very lost and broken. I was constantly abandoned emotionally, it’s only years later that I realised I was constantly abandoning myself emotionally.

So when I started to heal, really heal, my relationships all changed very dramatically and I stepped back, I had to. I needed to start working out boundaries, what they even were and how I needed them in my life. So fast forward 10 years and here I am, unclear whether my boundaries have actually become walls, if it is safe to let down a few bricks. I am scared and stubborn lol (I am a Taurus after all) so I tend to just go numb and stay safe.

It is an ongoing journey